Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
