She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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