Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
