Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
