I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I could fuck to npr.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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