dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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