He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
