I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
