Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
