Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
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