My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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