i just had sex bonerless
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
