I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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