how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I am spending my child support on dildos
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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