ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
