The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
