mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize
