i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
