Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
