i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
