In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
he thought i was a dude.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Come share oat with me in your robe
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
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