I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
