Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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