you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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