I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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