I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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