making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
