i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Randomize
