"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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