Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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