rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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