You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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