Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i can't believe i had my finger in that
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Someone came in the potted fern
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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