He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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