Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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