True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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