I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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