My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Randomize
