in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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