he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
