i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I can't trust your balls anymore.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
