i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
