i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
