how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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