so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
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