Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
