No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize