We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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