Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
