nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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