I think I won the penis lottery.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
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Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
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I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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