Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(248): View more from Michigan

They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.

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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week

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(660): View more from Missouri

Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...

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(678): View more from Georgia

Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.

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(704): View more from North Carolina

Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.

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(860): View more from Connecticut

CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.

(508): View more from Massachusetts

Internet Is back!

(860): View more from Connecticut

MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.

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(719): View more from Colorado

Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.

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(631): View more from New York

Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday

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(316): View more from Kansas

You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows

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