Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I deserve to be covered in dicks
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
