Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
