My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
4 words: hood of his car
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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