i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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