Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
being pregnant is like rehab
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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