He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
