My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
