Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
