Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
