Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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