I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
